Nouwen, Henri J.M. Anything, but in particular…

• The Way of the Heart: Desert Spirituality and Contemporary Ministry. Harper One, 1981. A brief introduction to the witness of the Desert Fathers and Mothers. The keys to authentic spirituality: Solitude, Silence and Unceasing Prayer.
• Creative Ministry. Image Doubleday, 1991. Nouwen considers five primary tasks of the minister: teaching, preaching, counseling, organizing and celebrating.
• The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society. Image Doubleday, 2010. Nouwen works from his own life to show how our journey into our own woundedness becomes the path toward healing for us and ministry with others
• Reaching Out: the Three Movements of the Spiritual Life. Image Doubleday, 1986. From Loneliness to Solitude; From Hostility to Hospitality: and From Illusion to Prayer.

Merton, Thomas. Anything, but in particular…

• Contemplative Prayer. Image Doubleday, 1996. A brief introduction to contemplative prayer.
• New Seeds of Contemplation. Abbey of Gesthemane, 1961. Teaching us to receive each moment of life as an invitation into deeper prayer and communion with God.
• The Seven Story Mountain. Harcourt Brace, 1976. Merton’s Biography.

The Monks of New Skete. In the Spirit of Happiness. 1999. Begins by relating a brief visit by an elderly monk who was convinced that life is, “necessarily a bed of suffering and pain, happiness is out of the question.”(ix) In contrast, the Monks of New Skete, “understand happiness as a deep and lasting interior peace….one that comes only with the struggle to search out and accept the will of God in our lives, one that demands of us a faith, hope and love upon which and through which we strive to elevate the quality of all human life.”(xi)

The Way of a Pilgrim, and The Pilgrim Continues His Way. New Sarov Press, 1997. This classic of Russian Orthodox spirituality presents the story of a pilgrim in search of the meaning of Paul’s words from 1 Thessalonians 5:17 – “Pray without ceasing.” What he received, in his journey, were words that moved from his lips to his mind and took up residence in his heart, “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me,” the Jesus prayer.

Foster, Richard. Foster and others formed a resource ministry called Renovare’ which is a great source for texts supporting spiritual formation and renewal.

• Celebration of Discipline: The path to spiritual growth. Harper, 1988. The Inward Disciplines: Meditation, Prayer, Fasting, Study; The Outward Disciplines: Simplicity, Solitude, Submission, Service; The Corporate Disciplines: Confession, Worship, Guidance, Celebration.
• Spiritual Classics: Selected Readings for Individuals and Groups on the Twelve Spiritual Disciplines. Harper, 2000. Four readings per discipline from classic texts of the Christian spiritual tradition, together with a brief discussion and come exercises and questions for reflection.

And for me, the work of the Jesuits.

• Hearts on Fire: Praying with the Jesuits. Loyola Press, 2005. A small volume of prayers and poems.
• Ignatius Loyola: Spiritual Exercises. Crossroads Publishing, 1992. A guidebook for spiritual directors and those who guide others in the spiritual life. This book by Ignatius provides helpful insight into maturity in Christ, but is best received in conversation with others who have made the journey – not for beginners. Multiple other translations with commentary are also available. Tetlow resides in Dallas at Montserrat Jesuit Retreat House.
• Making Choices in Christ: The Foundations of Ignatian Spirituality. Loyola Press, 2008. One key emphasis of the Spiritual Exercises is the process of discernment, or what Ignatius calls making an election – an important choice about one’s activity or direction in life and relationships. This book explores how the Exercises guide us in centering our prayerful decision making in Christ.

• Stone, Howard W. and James O. Duke. How to Think Theologically. Fortress, 2006. A primer for leaders and groups on the art of the practice of theological reflection, which can and should be learned by any who seek a deeper encounter with God and a more impactful life bringing hope, peace and love into the world, bringing light into dark places. Also available is a groups study guide: http://store.fortresspress.com/media/downloads/0800638182_studyguide.doc.
• Killen, Patricia O’Connell and John deBeer. The Art of Theological Reflection. Crossroad Pub, 2004. A handbook that includes tools and techniques for individual and group theological reflection.
• Kinast, Robert L. Let the Ministry Teach: A Guide to Theological Reflection. Liturgical Press, 1996. Reflecting specifically on the practice of ministry as a context and a primary source for theological reflection, and the necessity of this practice for vital ministry.
•  — What Are They Saying About Theological Reflection? Paulist Press, 2000. An overview of new perspectives through 5 ‘styles’: Ministerial, Spiritual Wisdom, Feminist, Inculturation, Practical.

For me, in addition to the insights available through scripture, prayer and theological reflection, the schools of Systems Thinking and Family Systems Theory provide a wealth of resources. Systems theory, as originated by Murray Bowen and later articulated primarily by Roberta Gilbert and Edwin Friedman, offers a way of thinking about our lives that is not immediately obvious or intuitive, yet once we hear it, we think perhaps we have known it all along. I do not work from Bowen’s texts, but rather from those of Gilbert and Friedman.

• Gilbert, Roberta M, M.D. The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory: A New Way of Thinking About the Individual and the Group. Center for the Study of Human Systems, 2006.
• Gilbert, Roberta M, M.D. Extraordinary Leadership: Thinking Systems, Making A Difference. Center for the Study of Human Systems, 1992.
• Gilbert, Roberta M, M.D. Extraordinary Relationships: A New Way of Thinking about Human Relationships. Center for the Study of Human Systems, 2006.
• Friedman, Edwin H. Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue. Guilford Press, 1985. Friedman applies the work of Bowen, a secular theorist in psychology, to congregational life systems and their leadership through the lens of the Judeo-Christian Traditions.

• Richardson, Ronald W. Becoming a Healthier Pastor: Family Systems Theory and the Pastor’s Own Family. Augsburg Fortress, 2005.
• Richardson, Ronald W. Creating a Healthier Church: Family Systems Theory, Leadership, and Congregational Life. Augsburg Fortress, 1996.
• Herrington, Jim, R. Robert Creech, Trisha Taylor. The Leader’s Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation. Leadership Network, 2003. This text is a guidebook for personal transformation through honestly facing our limitations and embracing who God has created, called and is recreating us to be.  A compassionate companion and guide for the journey. Herrington et.al. have several other resources that are similarly valuable.
• Wuellner, Flora Slosson. Feed My Shepherds: Spiritual Healing and Renewal for Those in Christian Leadership. The Upper Room, 1998. A resource for those in lay or clerical ministry who are down and discouraged, defeated and desolate, or anywhere in between.

• Miller, Linda J. and Chad W. Hall. Coaching for Christian Leaders: A practical guide. Chalice Press, 2007.
• Williams, Brian A. The Potter’s Rib: Mentoring for Pastoral Formation. Regent College Pub, 2005.
• Crane, Thomas G. The Heart of Coaching: Using Transformational Coaching to Create a High-Performance Coaching Culture. FTA Press, 2010.
• Moots, Paul. Becoming Barnabas: The Ministry of Encouragement. Alban Inst, 2004.
• Cresswell, Jane. Christ-Centered Coaching: 7 Benefits for Ministry Leaders. Chalice Press, 2006.

“You cannot lead people a place you have not already been.

You cannot accompany people to a place where you are not going.”

What is the value of mentoring?  A mentoring relationship is established by mutual recognition and consent, with both parties agreeing to enter into the learning experience together. This may be done informally, or may include a formal mentoring covenant that outlines the commitments and expectations. Rarely do we encounter an untraveled road. Even Robert Frost states, “I took the one less traveled by…” suggesting that it had, nonetheless, been traveled by some. (“The Road Not Taken”, Robert Frost, 1920.) Among other things, Frost’s poem is a wistful reflection that we can not take every road, but rather must make some choices which then eliminate others. The title refers to the road that the narrator did not take, the one, “left for another day.” Mentoring puts us in conversation with others along the roads of life, giving us the opportunity for companionship and insight that they may offer from their experiences. As a Mentor, Frost could come along side another and talk about why he made the choices he did, thus illuminating the path ahead. Frost does not say, but it is likely that he had mentors as well, those who helped him gain the wisdom needed at such moments of decision.

The difference between mentoring and coaching: A mentor leads someone in her/his own journey, by virtue of the mentor’s insights gained from personal experience in a similar journey. A coach, by contrast, does  not need to have walked that path before, but rather brings more general insights and principles to bear on the journey of the individual being coached.

How to find a mentor: Typically your mentor will be someone you respect, whose company you think you will enjoy, who has demonstrated abilities and approaches to work or life from which you wish to learn. It will also be someone who is willing to give energy and time to the relationship. Look around in your circles if relationship for such a person. If you do not find one, then ask others who they might recommend. When you approach the prospective mentor, ask for a brief conversation to gain wisdom or insight into a particular situation about which the prospect might have something to say. You don’t want to waste anyone’s time, and you don’t want to ask for a big commitment up front. A series of brief conversations to establish the relationship will be of benefit, and will answer many of your questions regarding whether this person would be a good fit as your mentor.

How to be “mentorable”: Be teachable. Listen to your interactions with others. How often do you respond to someone with an observation that contradicts what has been said? Are you able to receive challenging information without anxiously needing to figure it out immediately or sweep it away? Be dependable. Do what you say you will and more. You are asking this person to donate their time toward your personal and professional growth – respect that time by doing your homework. Come to each conversation prepared with meaningful goals.

How to be a mentor: Be teachable. Remember that we can learn from anyone and any situation. Listen for the wisdom of the novice. Be dependable. Give thought to what you have to offer and how best to offer it. Be clear when a request or topic is outside your purview so no one’s time is wasted. Look for opportunities and relationships to recommend for the mentee – help them build their network and be self-directed learners. Do not take responsibility for the Mentee’s learning. Gently but clearly help them be accountable to self for their growth.

See: “A Bibliography of Spiritual Mentoring and Coaching” for an introductory list of resources.

A Mentoring Process:

1)     Establish meeting parameters. How frequently and for how long will you meet? Is it a regular weekly or monthly meeting, or something less formal? Think about locations that are most helpful. Keep in mind issues of cross-gender relationships – avoid uncomfortable or potentially compromising situations, or even their appearance. Once a working relationship is established with clear expectations and boundaries, then…

2)     Establish Goals. Mentoring grows from a basic question – What do you want to achieve? It assumes some growth goals with which the mentor helps the mentee. If these are not clear, then that is the first work in the relationship – to determine the goals. In what ways does the Mentee wish to grow?  See the example of a “quarterly goal worksheet”. You may not use something this formal, but the more specific you can be, the more successful you will likely be.

3)     Consider who sets the agenda. Does the Mentee say, “Today I would like to learn/explore ____,” or will the Mentor have a series of topics and experiences to lead through? Or a combination of both perhaps. Either is fine, just be clear so that everyone knows what to expect and is prepared.

4)     Focus on experience. Something happened. How did it come about? What did you feel, think, say and do? What was the result? What might be learned from this? These questions apply whether the Mentor or Mentee is sharing. See the example of a Verbatim as one tool for this exploration. It can be used formally, or as a general guide for reflection.

5)     Focus on meaning. What is this situation about? What is at stake? What is of worth or value to each person involved? What is being gained or lost? Where are the opportunities for confusion or clarity? What other experiences or relationships might be impacting this encounter?

6)     Focus on identity. Who are you in this situation? Who do you want to be? What might be done to bridge the gap, if any, between these? What kind of leader? What kind of friend or spouse or child or parent? What kind of employer, supervisor, employee?

7)     Focus on God. Where is God in this situation? Who and where is God calling you to be? How is God present to you in the situation and the people you encounter? How is God present to them through you? What biblical/theological ideas surface? Are there competing claims to truth – i.e. how do you balance mercy and justice?

8)     Return to experience. Reflect on how the insights gained will be put to use in future encounters. What encouragement or help is needed to remember and act on them? What can you do now to prepare for future success in these efforts?