A story: recently we were working with a young homeless man who is here in the area, living out of his car. A local shelter we know to be a very nice facility, successful in helping folks make progress on their goals and get to a more stable place in their lives. We took him there for a tour, during which he was very quiet. They told him that they have beds available, and would be able to do the intake process that afternoon. I was very surprised that he did not want to stay, and tried to be sure he understood what was being offered, which he said he did, but was not interested at that time.
This left/leaves me confused and frustrated for him that he is choosing to live in his car rather than get good help from good people in a safe, warm environment. A few minutes later, the young man (quite boldly, I think) said, “Are you angry with me?” After reflecting a moment, I told him no, just confused and frustrated for him in this situation. Then I said, “Maybe confused and angry look similar on me.” to which a friend with us immediately said, to me and to him, “Yes, they do. Yes, they do.” What an interesting revelation/awareness for me. Amazing the gifts that others have to give to us, even when they seem to be the ones in need! Thinking more about this later, I decided that I did have some anger around the situation, but it is for him, not at him. I’m angry that the world can be so cruel to someone that at 20 they are homeless and convinced that no one loves them.
So I roll back through my scrapbook of memories – unproductive relationships and moments of significant miscommunication. When have I been frustrated and confused, or even had a sort of righteous indignation about a situation, but not anger toward the person or people? But what people perceive is that I am angry with them. How troubling that is!
May God grant me the wisdom and power to be renewed, restored and reconciled. And if you’ve got insights to share, I’d gratefully receive them.